Inner Peace

In 2011, my wife was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia.  It involved an immediate need to seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

She spent most of that year at Mayo, between the Clinic and their temporary residence at the Hope Lodge with her brother, who took the year off from college as I had to work.  By August, she was declared cancer free and to solidify the odds of it not recurring, we prayed and concluded to have a bone marrow transplant.

On September 1st, she had a bone marrow transplant--her donor was a young man from Germany, although to this day we do not know who he is in order to thank him for his Godly donation.  It was successful, however she had complications through graft vs. host.  Like the trooper that she was, she charged forward with great courage.  By October, she developed vision problems, which has increasingly grown worse as the years go on.

Earlier this year, we noticed subtle changes in her behavior.  She has always required a good deal of rest, but it seemed to be worse than before.  My wife and I would cherish the few times we'd be able to go to a movie (the last one was I Can Only Imagine which is one of her favorite songs).  In order to get her places, I'd have to do the "prom walk" with her.  Most nights, we'd watch a few minutes of the local news and then turn it to the 700 Club.  We cherished the positive messages about the Lord as we held hands, and always bowed our heads in prayer when they did.

On May 19, we knew something was seriously wrong.  She was confused on where she was, the time, and even had troubles walking.  We brought her to the doctor the next morning, where they discovered high levels of ammonia from hepatic encephalopathy.  Her liver was starting to fail and was immediately put on medications to assist with this.

Fast forward to the evening of August 24.  By this point, she had already endured three hospital stays and had spent a little over a week at a rehab facility to get her strength back up to near normal.  But things weren't.  On the 24th of August, it was decided to bring her into the ER as the level of confusion was worsening and her ability to walk was minimal.  Since that day, she has not been home since.  She just finished with her 7th hospital stay--a 2-week stay, which has been her longest so far--and is now back at a nursing home facility.

At the beginning of this last hospital stay, a palliative care doctor contacted us.  We knew things were going downhill fast.  How much time did she have left?  But we all knew she was in God's Hands.  One of my wife's favorite poems is Footprints In The Sand.  Even in her confused state, she knows that these are the days where Christ Jesus is carrying her, cradling her in His arms.

What the future holds for her, we don't know.  Will she ever get well enough to get home?  Will she make it through this Thanksgiving and Christmas season?  Or the next?  She has her good days and bad days.  But even in these troubling times, there is an inner peace that comes from knowing God has a plan for our lives and we must give our complete trust to Him.

As troubles come to you, take a moment and read Scriptures from the Bible.  Read devotionals.  Sit and pray.  Give your life fully to Him.

I have.  And God has given me an inner peace.  If my wife passes, I know it won't be easy on me, our three kids, her parents, her sister and brother, her relatives and friends.  But knowing God has a Divine Plan, I trust in Him that our Heavenly Father knows best.